


the grand plan

by adalysse



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, LadyNoir - Freeform, Love Square Tomfoolery, Plagg is a Little Shit, adrien is Extra, adrien is a Doof, angry cheese man, ladrien, might be a one shot but only time will tell, proofreading who is she, the inner machinations of my mind are an enigma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 07:38:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16081511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adalysse/pseuds/adalysse
Summary: Adrien tells Plagg his grand plan for seducing Ladybug. It goes... less than perfectly.





	the grand plan

"Picture this, Plagg." Adrien opened one of his Pinterest boards. "Me and Ladybug have just defeated an akuma, and she's just purified it." He reached for his Ladybug yo-yo, spinning it into the air by way of demonstration. It hit his mirror, instananeously shattering it.   
Plagg sighed.   
He swept the glass into the wastebasket. "And then, I say, 'Ladybug, there's something I have to tell you.'" He puffed out his chest, swinging a belt that vaguely resembled Chat's tail, and took his best shot at an alluring posture. "I say, 'Come with me.'   
"And then I take her hand, like this—" he grabbed a male mannequin off the wall and wrapped its arms around him. "Oh, Chat," he squeaked, dipping the mannequin backwards. He cinched the belt around the two of them.   
Adrien inched backwards towards his monitor, half-dragging his stand-in Ladybug, and hit the space bar. Careless Whisper rolled through his room from the bluetooth speakers.   
"And then I extend my staff and we fly up to the Eiffel tower," Adrien said excitedly, Ladybug slipping in his arms as he reached for the computer. "And Plagg, we have candles like this"—he clicked through Pinterest as he spoke—"and we have this cake, because it's a cat and a ladybug, get it? I thought it was pretty clever. And I've already strung up the fairy lights beforehand, and there's a picnic blanket with red gingham. And get this, Plagg." Ladybug slipped from his hands as he sat down at the computer, the mannequin hitting the floor and her head rolling off.   
"Not a good sign," Plagg said disapprovingly.   
"Shut-be quiet. It's just a mannequin."   
"And your practice kissing partner."  
"Only a couple times. But this is the piece de resistance! I've figured out that Ladybug likes the Dupain-Cheng bakery." He pointed to a few of his framed pictures, which when put into fancy wooden frames looked less like Ladyblog screenshots he'd printed out and more like professional photos. It helped that he'd applied a few Instagram filters. In the background of a few was the bakery, clearly visible.   
"So, sitting in the basket at the top of the tower is a basket full of macarons from their bakery!" He clicked into a folder on the desktop named ADRIEN AGRESTE DO NOT OPEN. He opened a photograph of the Eiffel tower, with some MS Paint drawings of him and Ladybug about halfway near the top complete with poorly drawn hearts.   
Adrien stood up again. "At this point, she's pretty impressed."   
Plagg murmured something along the lines of "bold of you to assume."  
Adrien paid him no attention. "So I sit down and I say, 'My lady, there's something I have to tell you.' Wait, I already said that, didn't I? Umm.... maybe, 'Purrhaps...'—no, it's far too serious for a pun...no good can come of a cat pun just before the reveal..." Adrien rambled for a good thirty seconds before deciding that no, his original line was good.   
"And then I... I say, claws in." He mimicked crouching on the ground before the mannequin. The mannequin was laying on the ground. "Just pretend she's standing there. And then she says, 'Oh, chaton, I love you even more now! I've loved you with all my heart and soul since the day we met.' And then... and then I..."   
He shook his head, ridiculously red in the face from his performance.  
"Slow down, kid. Don't give yourself a heart attack." Plagg downed a wedge of cheese like an alcoholic taking a shot.   
Adrien sat on the floor, train of thought not only derailed but destroyed. His thoughts were static.   
"Kid? You okay?" Plagg buzzed in front of him. "Earth to idiot."  
"Ladybug's so great," he murmured to the ceiling. "Can you imagine if we actually started... dating?"  
"It would be awful," Plagg moaned.   
"I'd get to see her every day. We'd go on dates. We'd be the power couple of Paris." He laughed, an awkwardly high-pitched laugh that indicated he hadn't yet entered puberty. "Can you imagine, Plagg?"  
There was a knock on the door. Adrien jumped up.   
"Nathalie? Come in," he called, Plagg out of sight at the first sign of noise.   
It wasn't Nathalie. Gabriel Agreste opened the door slightly, his eyebrows raising at his wrecked room.   
"I was going to ask you to turn that music off," he said curtly. Adrien was suddenly aware that he had been looping Careless Whisper at full volume for about ten minutes. Also, that his room looked like a crime scene, what with the decapitated mannequin and the shattered mirror.   
Gabriel was dressed like he was going somewhere. Adrien supposed he wouldn't be there for dinner tonight, either. "Yes, Father."   
Once he turned off the music, Gabriel turned on his heel and walked out. "Please make sure he practices his piano tonight," Adrien heard him say through the closed door.   
"What a wet blanket!" Plagg said disparagingly, zooming out of Adrien's jacket the minute his footsteps died away. "It's not like he's even going to be here. You could just turn it back on in ten minutes for all he knows."  
"Yeah, but Nathalie would tell him." Adrien said glumly. He switched to his Beethoven playlist, and was about to hit play when a flash of red outside his window caught his eye.   
Ladybug! He raced to the window, pressing his face against it inelegantly. Sure enough, there she was, only a block or so away. She was on the ground, glancing back up at the mansion once or twice. He was torn between waving and ducking for cover. They made eye contact.   
She made the choice for him. Before he could blink she was there, perched on his windowsill like a lithe cat. After a moment of extremely awkward eye contact, he slid open a window. "So what... what brings you here?" he asked. He didn't know what to do with his hands, so he just kind of folded them behind him.   
"Oh—! Um, patrol." Ladybug grinned a too-wide grin.   
"Patrol? Is that new?" Adrien stepped aside, gesturing with his hands. Was he actually inviting Ladybug inside his room? Was this a dream?  
"Y-yes. It's stew. I mean! New!" She swung herself in delicately. She held herself like a princess.   
Adrien hit the power button on his computer, hoping that Ladybug had seen neither the drawing of their first date nor the playlist titled "Ladybug First Date." "Well, that's new?" He sounded like a complete idiot. She just said that, you doof.   
"Yes, I've been thinking—w-with all the akumas—are you okay?" She must have noticed his crestfallen expression. She wrung her hands in front of her. "Is it something I said?"  
"No! No. My father."   
Ladybug gave him a look he'd never seen on her face before. It made something in his heart scream. Why didn't she look at Chat Noir like this? "Your dad?"  
"He's... busy. Often." He closed his eyes, trying to put on a brave face for his idol.   
A soft hand touched his shoulder. "That really is too bad," she whispered. A thrill went up his spine. They'd been in close proximity many times before in costume, but this felt strangely different.   
She pulled back sharply. She must have thought he'd recoiled. "S-sorry, I—"  
"No, you didn't do anything wrong." He managed to tone his manic grin down to a small smile.   
They sat in silence for a moment. Plagg vibrated irritatedly against the inside of his jacket.   
Ladybug glanced down at the decapitated mannequin. "Oh?" she asked almost involuntarily.   
He snapped straight up. "Oh—this—!" He picked up the head and neck piece. "Just—practicing my Shakespeare. Um—to be or not to be!" he shouted at the skull, with perhaps more vigor than necessary.   
She giggled. The way her face relaxed, her eyes closed. He wanted to be the reason she laughed, or one of them. He bet she laughed a lot. He just wanted to see her laugh more, and maybe some day he could branch out from cat puns.   
Her eyes caught on something behind him. "What's this?" she asked curiously.   
His stomach dropped to his ankles. She was looking at his wall of photographs. A good sixty percent of them were of her.   
She turned to him, smiling widely. "I like these photos," she said, her sarcasm levels not nearly as high as they should be. "Reminds me of someone we both know."   
"Ah—yeah—you see—" He put a hand on the back of his neck, smiling awkwardly as he tried to form an explanation. "I know the girl who runs the Ladyblog, and I like to support her," he eventually got out.   
"I think I know what's going on here." She crossed her arms behind her back and took a few strides around his room.   
Adrien watched with pure anxiety. He'd never hit on her as Adrien, and yet here she was. Somehow, she'd completely seen through him. Getting shot down by Ladybug before he'd even had a chance to confess was not what he'd wanted today. Or ever.   
"You're a fan," she said with a note of pure bliss.  
He exhaled audibly. "Yeah! That's it! You're just so... cool, Ladybug."  
She smiled and leaned into his face. "I think you're cool too, Adrien," she said with a smile.   
The next thing he knew, he was all alone in his room again. The only thing that told him it wasn't all a dream was the still-open window.   
"Did I just get... friendzoned?" he whispered weakly, slumping to the ground like a sack of wet flour.   
Plagg smirked. "You can dish it out, but you can't take it."  
Adrien swatted at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"  
"Listen, look on the bright side. She may have fanzoned you, but you know who she hasn't yet?"  
"CHAT NOIR!" Adrien jumped up, fist raised victoriously in the air. "You're so right, Plagg."

\--

Marinette crouched in an alleyway, internally screaming. Tikki swarmed around her, desperately trying to help.   
"I. Can't. Believe. I. Did. That." She groaned and slid down the side of the alley. "We were so close," she whispered hoarsely.   
"Well, now you know he thinks you're cool," Tikki offered.   
Marinette allowed herself a little victory dance, but her face quickly grew somber. "I mean, you can't read too far into it. Chloe thinks Ladybug is cool. Maybe he really hates me."   
"Marinette, don't psyche yourself out," Tikki said sternly. "But I do think you helped him."  
She looked up. "How?"  
"He was obviously feeling down about his father. You were a welcome distraction."  
"I guess. Thanks, Tikki."  
"No problem, Marinette. Now we should get home to finish that Physics homework!"  
"You're right, Tikki! There's no time to sit here and obsess over the fact that Adrien, Adrien Agreste, love of my life, is a fan of Ladybug. I'll do that at seven."

**Author's Note:**

> scary how i wrote this before troublemaker aired. i scare myself sometimes.


End file.
